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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Anyone else feel it?

I have this feeling of anticipation and excitement for the new year, anyone else?

I'm excited for a whole year with a husband, lets face it I'm not good alone. I'm ready for change again not a new years resolution this is me fulfilling who I want to be who God made me to be. This is me taking control (with God of course) and not letting others control my life for me. I'm a people pleaser and while that can be a good thing for me its not.

I'm excited to get some major work on the house done. I have plans for a friend to come over on the 16th and finish painting the living room and hang pictures. Then in March we will be hopefully redoing the upstairs bathroom, yea! No more pink!!!

I'll be posting pictures the whole time I hope to post more of my own pics this year.


Who I'm not.

So after yesterdays post I got to thinking about who I'm not here is the run down:

I'm not a good speller, I never will be.

I'm not a girly girl although I enjoy getting all dressed up from time to time.

I'm not great when plans change (although I'm getting better)

I'm not very patient with people who don't understand simple concepts

I'm not made to be a couch potato, my body shuts down, yet I do it all the time.

Thoughts on Thursdays

"New Year, New Marriage"
Its the end of 2009 and I'm excited for 2010! This is a time for new starts and resolutions so how about this one "I resolve to make my marriage better this year." This doesn't mean its bad now but it can always get better right? Here are some ideas:
1. Have a designated time a week of quality time together (my parents have been doing this for the past few years.)
2. Look through your marriage and make a plan to improve one thing (communication anyone?)
3. Study the Bible together.
4. Find a hobby you both like to do.
5. Go out on a 'real' date more often.
6. De clutter your lives from the need of stuff.
Anyone else have an idea or two?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Thoughts on Thursdays

Humm so I was reading my book again ("The Search for Significance" by Robert S. McGee) and once sentence really hit me not just for spiritual reasons but for relationship reasons. Here it is " Conviction deals with your behavior, not our status before God."( pg133 in the new version)

This is also, I believe, how we should view our marriages. We need to understand that when our spouse is correcting or asking us to change something it doesn't affect their love for us its simply a behavior that needs adjustment. I have a bad habit of forgetting where I placed my phone and it drives my husband nuts however I know that when he points it out to me he doesn't love me any less he just doesn't want to spend money on a new phone.

However I have a harder time accepting that reality when he is pointing out my tone or something like that. Then it is much harder to remember the 'love' part and go straight to feeling guilty. This changes how I think he views my 'status' when in fact it does not. He still loves me just the same but he is trying to improve our communication.

Guilt refers to our status and how we think others feel about us.

Conviction is without guilt it doesn't change our status there is just room for improvement.

Wow, that could change marriages right there. If we could train ourselves to view things this way....If we could simply remember throughout the corrections and annoyances that you still love each other and your are only trying to better the marriage not tear each other apart or blame them for everything. We also make sure we are approaching things this way, building the marriage not tearing it down.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Who do I want to be?

It seems like it is impossible to make personal goals (loose weight, eat better, get in the Word more, and so on) and keep them so starting today I have a new approach. I'm going to map out who I want to be and then when I'm tempted to deviate I'll ask myself if it lines up with that "person."

Now understand I'm not trying to change my whole personality I like who I am in general but I feel like there are some parts of my life that I got 1/2 way to my goal and then became stagnant. These are things that I care about but seem to be stuck. So here is a rough draft of "Who I want to be"

I would like to be a Spirit led Bible fed, Godly wife. I want to eat not just healthy but quality foods that will enhance my life not take away from it. I want to take care of the earth in any practical way I can without becoming a full blown "nut." I want to take care of the body that God has given me by not sitting down all day, playing with the dog and exercising. I would like to stop being so materialistic and focus on the things that really matter and de-clutter my life. I want to be a friend that people know they can count on. I would also like to continue to improve my interpreting skill and not just be content with where I'm at.

Ok so there you have it I'm gong to tweak it and start applying it today. Here is to a new start to my old adventure.


Thursday, December 17, 2009

My Story

I've come to realize that there are some people reading this blog who didn't know me 2 years ago so I thought I would give a brief synopsis just so that some of my posts makes sense.

I'm really not sure where to start. I had a pretty normal childhood I was lucky enough to have my parents stay together, I think the only thing that might be abnormal was that I lived in 7 different houses in 3 cities by my sophomore year. I was picked on, diagnosed with ADHD (one of the first girls) and struggled with that for a while. But by high school I had it pretty much together. I knew who I was and even though what other people said hurt, I didn't let it change me.

My senior year I started dating Mark we were engaged in August, and married the next June. I had only been 19 for a month. At the age of 20 we had purchased our first home and after I graduated collage as a sign language interpreter life was going pretty good. The summer after I graduated Mark was diagnosed with a VERY RARE form of cancer (thymus carcinoid not thymic) stage 4 it had already spread everywhere knees up elbows in. Including his brain. There was one on his right ocular nerve that gave him double vision and that symptom is how we found it. We spent a year driving 4 hours to the Mayo clinic and having various treatments. Later we moved closer to the hospital Mark wanted and he found a new job working at the same company as his brother (PTL) we continued for 2 years of treatments and doctors appts but they didn't really affect our lives too much. Then it started creating respiratory problems, O2 started in September or so and on December 10th 2007 he passed away. Obviously there is alot more to this story, for the blog I had then go here:

I just got married again this July, Hubby is amazing!! He is such a godsend. He understands my baggage and is so very encouraging. One lasting 'issue' I've had since Mark passed was the crazy notion that I can only be happy when I make those around me happy. Not a great way to live, he has been my "Jesus with skin on" helping me work on this. He is also teaching me how to relax. We haven't had too many adventures yet (except our great honeymoon) we are just trying to settle in and renovate the house. I look forward to many many years together!

Love is a Verb (Thoughts on Thrusday)

It is so easy to assume that your spouse knows you love them, but love is a verb we need to make a point to show it daily, not just on those oh so seldom date nights.

You can hear the word often but it has no meaning with out action, and if the only action you see is tearing each other down what does that really show? This doesn't have to be some big thing even going out of your way to say thanks to your spouse for something they do everyday will go a long ways.

I know this one is short but that is really all there is to it.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Give away

Here is a link to one of my fav websites they are giving away 2 organic homemade shirts!

Why do we 'do' devotions?

So what is so great and magical about devotions? Stick with me here I know this sounds bad. But really what is the purpose?

Many people do devotions because they are supposed to, not because they are motivated to learn. I'm not saying devotions are bad, I'm saying they are bad if we are doing the for the wrong reason. We wont learn anything plus we will feel guilt if we miss a day or two. If we feel like we have to do it then it becomes homework.

I will admit I'm not good at devotions, and when I am...I don't get much out of it because it feels like a chore. I learn a lot however talking with Ryan and then we start digging trough the Bible to see what it has to say. We are very careful to check things in context and history (which he knows much more about) to make sure we aren't bending the words to mean what we want them too.

So don't 'do' devotions because you have to, learn because you want to. I've found that I learn a lot more once a week when I'm motivated and focused vs every day when its just a chore.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Are we expecting too much?

How can we expect a secular world to celebrate Christmas the way we do?

I was just looking at a website that was encouraging people not to shop at stores that didn't say Merry Christmas. One of the targeted stores was GAP since there commercials say "celebrate whatever you wanaka." Here are my two cents, just because a store says Merry Christmas it doesn't mean they are celebrating for the same reasons I am. It just means they haven't felt the pressure to be come politically correct (at least not yet.) Stores celebrate Christmas for one reason, money. Any one ever heard of black Friday?

The real reason for Christmas is not fancy trees (as my hubby pointed out Jesus didn't have one) and presents. Its the birth of Jesus Christ who would die for our sins, MY sins and save all who believe from hell. How many of us truly celebrate that this season? If we don't how can we expect the stores to?

You can do whatever you want I don't have a problem either way (if you shop at the happy holidays stores or not) but don't think that they are horrible stores. They are focused on selling nothing else. If they feel they will get more people in the store by doing _______ then they will do it. Its the same on valentines day, mothers day and all the rest.

Friday, December 11, 2009

No Cotton Balls in my house!!!

I use organic cotton washcloths that I found on sale (ugly color) I cut them up in to 1.5"x3" pads, stitched the sides so they didn't ravel, and use them instead. Then when I'm done I just throw them in the laundry. Simple.
Its easy to tell which ones I've used to remove nail polish and I just put those in the container with my nail polish to be reused after they were washed. The rest I use for astringant when I'm washing my face at night. Here are some other alternatives I've found that you can buy instead of make yourself:

Bargin Scrubbies

Or here

Thursday, December 10, 2009

2 years later.

Two years ago today I decided to stay home with Mark (my husband.) He was having a bad morning and I decided to wait with him until his Dad arrived. Around 6:45 that night Mark was healed, in heaven. I miss him, I always will, he was my first love and that will never change. We had a great life, a hard one, but we always made the most of it.

We were asked once how we dealt with doubt (in God) Mark was mystified "What would we doubt, me being sick doesn't change the fact that Jesus died for my sins." Amen, I feel the same way. While life might be hard I've never doubted the truth of my faith.

Mark told me many times that he just wanted me happy, even if that meant I was married again 2 weeks later. I thought he was crazy, but then just when I was at a crossroads I met Ryan. He has blessed me so much. He helped get me out of my pity party and start living life again. Something I had stopped doing after Mark passed. He is helping me with my desire to always 'make things better.' That was my job for 3 1/2 years with Mark and while I wouldn't change anything its hard to live your life only being happy when those around you are happy.

So who would thing this is where I would be 2 years later? Not me, but I'm going to keep living life the way Mark taught me. Looking forward, never taking one day for granted.

Here is the link to our blog while Mark was sick :

I will never forget you Mark.

In HIS Grip,


Thoughts on Thursdays

"Get a hobby"

Everyone should have a hobby and I think its a great idea to have one not only individually but as a couple as well. If the only thing you do together is eat and watch TV those are not hobbies. Find something you enjoy doing together and then do it. Also make sure that you get some girl time (or guy time) and have a hobby other than the one you do with your spouse.

I'm shocked at how many people don't have hobbies at all. This honestly isn't healthy we all need some sort of outlet or we are going to make each other crazy.

Monday, December 7, 2009

A 'new' way to be green.

Ok so I have a nephew, an adorable godson, as well as many friends with children. But I just discovered Once Upon a Child.

What a great store, their stuff is all in good condition and at a great prices. This makes soooo much sense. Not only is it green but its much cheaper. In fact if they have more than one of the same item check them all they may have different prices.

Just wanted to let you all know my latest discovery.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Maybe this will help someone.

I was/am embaressed to admit this but it has helped me alot and it might help someone else so I just thought I would share.

I'm on anti-depressants, I started a little over a month ago and I'm noticing that I am a totally different person, I wish I had started sooner honestly. There is nothing wrong in my life, there is nothing to be depressed about and yet there I was on an emotional rollercoster, tired and unmotivated to do anything. I finally did it, I realized that my crazy and then conversely lack of emotion may have been a part of why I didn't get a job promotion and why my relationship with Ryan was so hard for me, I was VERY NEEDY (again there are no problems I was just having a hard time for some un-explainable reason.)

So I started and its been about 6 weeks now and life is good. I'm dealing with life much better including the random changes it trows at me. I've noticed that my attitude in general has improved and I'm starting to enjoy my 'alone' time now when Ryan is working..

I want to get one other thing straight. I don't have a problem with anyone else taking anti-depressants, in fact in some cases I would encourage it. However for my self this is a battle. I grew up taking pills for ADHD and have grown to hate the times when I can't control my brain myself. I have so many coping methods for the ADHD I just feel like I should be able to handle this.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Thoughts on Thursdays

"...and we wonder why"

Do you ever wonder why marriages fail, relationships stink, we are addicted to drugs, alcohol, shopping, or whatever. Do you ever wonder why we do the things we do? Its pretty simple but honestly as many times as I've heard this in the past it really just hit me. Its the whole concept of "you are what you eat" and "out of your mouth your heart speaks."

I personally don't believe that doing devotions is what makes you a Christian (that is a whole other discussion.) However why are we surprised that the things we watch, listen, and read affect what we say and do? It only make sense "monkey see, monkey do" and all of that. So as a Christians it only makes sense to input the right things i.e. devotions inspirational music and so on.

We (Me included) need to watch what I'm putting into my mind (and body) to make sure that what is coming out matches my believes and feelings. Think of how much better our marriage could be if we simply acted the way God wanted us to instead of how the world is showing us.