Thougths on Thursday

" I need specifics"

"Honey its in the bag outside pocket in the blue case" seems pretty specific till you realize we just got back from a weekend away and there are about 6 bags to choose from. Oops no wonder my husband was frustrated with me.



"The construction people are going to call on Monday about Tuesday" In my head this means they are going to call and see if that is an option. It really meant they were going to come no matter what and were going to check in on Monday. Big problem when they showed up and the electrical hadn't been moved yet...

These are two examples of how communication can fail. This seems to be something that hubby and I need to work on. Most of the time we are just fine, but other times we will be talking in circles because we don't know what the other person means. All I needed to say was, Honey its in the toiletry bag outside pocket in the blue case, and we would have been fine.

This can easily become a frustration in your marriage, but its an easy one to correct. Starting now I'm going to make sure I'm clear in what I'm saying so that my hubby has less of these avoidable frustrations. This in turn will ease some tension (on those bad days we just can't seem to say things right) and just generally make a better marriage.

Oh so check this out, the electrician is coming today to move some outlets in the kitchen and outside the house. Hubby and I talked about weather or not the vent needed to be moved before the guy came. Mac was very clear and because of that I wasn't stressing at 10:30 at night trying to take out the vent, Thanks hon!

Deadline is tomorrow!!! Please don't forget to write the FCC and save Video Relay Services as we know them.

Thoughts on Thursday "Slowdown"

Life can get busy, work, kids, projects around the house....

Its easy to make it through the day without taking time to actually be with your spouse and acknowledge their existence. We just bought a new house last May and have been working on it pretty much non-stop. Even the simple act of painting can become quite time consuming. Make sure you are taking breaks between projects so that life can happen. Don't get so caught up in the next thing that you miss out on what you are doing. The kids are going to grow up. You and your spouse are going to get older, make sure you are enjoying life while you can. Never take a single day for granted, tomorrow isn't guaranteed for any of us.

Thoughts on Thursday: Dress Yourself

We hear it all the time "Dress for success" right? We all know this applies to work but how can it apply to a marriage? I think it can in a few different ways.

#1 This one is the obvious way, don't always be in sweats. I'm not saying you have to dress up and look perfect, I'm not even saying you have to do this everyday. But once in a while make an effort to put yourself together. We made such an effort when we were dating and on our wedding day, what happened after we said 'I Do?'

#2 Dress yourself with the right attitude. How you choose to react to your spouse is up to you. Make sure you approach problems, confrontation, and reprimands with a respectful and loving attitude. Also be excited to see your spouse, its nice to come home to a warm greeting.

#3 'Dress' your bed. It doesn't need to be perfect, but have you ever noticed how nice it is to walk into your bedroom with the bed looking good? I don't think I have to tell you where this might lead...


I had some great pictures of the hubby and I getting ready for the wedding that I thought I uploaded last night. However when I got to work they weren't there :( I'll add them tonight.

Thoughts on Thursday

Its my first guest blogger...kinda. I saw this post on one of the blogs I follow "A Little Great" and loved it I wanted to share it with you so I contacted the blog and asked if I could, they said yes!

Here is a little more about them:

ALittleGreat.com is the brainchild of two life-long friends. We asked some of our brilliant friends to help us share greatness with our fellow women and this blog is the result. There is something for everyone... from fashion to furniture, crafts to cuisine, fitness, beauty, decorating, parenting and so much more!

"5 things to improve your marriage."

1. Do something thoughtful. Even if it's something small, just so long as it is nice and unexpected, your husband will love it! Doing small acts of kindness for your spouse creates positive feelings towards you and adds to the "reservoir of positivity" and will get you through the difficult time. Ideas: make his favorite dinner/desert, give him something he has been hinting he would like to have, offer to give him a back rub, or (heaven forbid) initiate some romance.

2. Make time. It may seem obvious that we spend time with our hubbies, but there are so many things that distract us that often our relationship falls by the wayside. So schedule some time with him. Plan a date even!

3. Think before you speak. Oh man, sometimes I suck at this. But do as I say, not necessarily as I do... right? Take his feelings into consideration. Sometimes, ok, lots of times, I think I'm funny when I'm really not... do you have this problem too? So think about how you are going to make him feel before you verbalize that witty comment that seems so hilarious in your head.

4. Don't take him for granted. It's easy, after you have lived with someone for so long, to take them for granted. Don't! Think about how you felt about him when you were dating or newly married. I keep photographs around the house for this particular purpose. Anytime I struggle with this I imagine how it felt to see him on my doorstep when we were dating... and there I am... in love.

5. Support him. It's a tough world out there! When he walks through the door at the end of the day, let him know that you think he's a LITTLE GREAT. Delay your complaints about the kids and your day and smile as you welcome him home.

Thoughts on Thursdays

"Take time to laugh"

Lets face it sometimes life get too serious. It's during these times that we need to make time for a little fun. Weather its a night out on the town, a weekend in a hotel, or just a quick TV show that you know will make you smile. Take a few min to laugh. The stress of life can take a toll on your marriage even if the stress has nothing to do with your marriage. Make some time to have fun with your spouse.

Here are some of the things I do:

I keep little notes the hubby has given me in my work bag for stressful moments.

I keep a file of 'smiles' in my e-mail.

I have a few good old stand by movies or shows.

I scrapbook or some other craft.

Thoughts on Thursday

"Don't let fear affect your marriage."

I have to admit this one is personal, and honestly a little embarrassing to me. But if it will help someone else well then....here it goes.

We all have fears, spiders, thunder, whatever. But some of us have bigger fears, fears that can hurt your marriage if your not careful. Some of us have lost a spouse to illness and are afraid it will happen again. We fear this so much that we don't like to be away from our spouse and end up smothering them. Others have been cheated on either in a previous relationship or by a current spouse, and they are afraid it will happen again. They are so afraid that they don't give themselves fully to the relationship they are in. These are just two examples of many situations, just two ways it could play out. These fears can choke a marriage, if a spouse feels like they are being smothered or they aren't getting everything from their spouse.

This is a somewhat new revelation in my marriage, I don't think I'm smothering the hubby. But my fear of loosing him has caused some tension recently. But the good news is that after some discussion with my husband we figured out the 'root of the problem' and now we, together, can work on it.

Where is fear affecting your marriage?

Thoughts on Thursday

"Spring is here"

A lot of things change when it starts to feel like spring, our eating habits change to lighter meals and more grilling , cleaning habits change to purge out the old and get deep down clean. Outfits change to shorts and tees and brighter colors, sandals come out boots are put away. We bring out the lawn mower instead of the snow blower....you get the point right?



How about a fresh start to your marriage too? Just like our first grill out (above) this can be a time of new and firsts in your life. Take some time to sit down and discuss what you would like to change this spring. Think of it as a frest start.

Thoughts on Thursday

"Listen to those you love."

Chances are if you love them and you trust them they might just be right. I listened to some advice from my husband this weekend and I think it saved me. I'm all about pushing myself and he has been encouraging me to take care of myself and wouldn't you know he was right. God bless him.

Thoughts on Thursday

" Love from afar"

My hubby has been out of town for almost 2 weeks now and has one week to go. We dated long distance (4 hours away) and got used to the phone and e-mail thing. However that doesn't make it any easier.



Business trips are a reality of the day so how do we keep in touch with each other and that makes keeping up good communication and a solid relationship tough. Heck its hard when you are both in the same house. Hubby and I are making good use of the technology around us, cell phones, pictures sent via e-mail, skype, blogs, e-mail and the like. Pictures are huge especially if you have children (or a fast growing silly acting puppy like we do.) They are a good way to keep them in the loop. Hubby is also doing a great job of letting me know he is out there by commenting on my blog (thus letting me know he is reading it) it honestly make me feel special to know that he is out there and paying attention.

Also don't forget to keep them in the loop, there are always everyday decisions that you can make on your own but don't make the big decisions without them just because they aren't there. Make sure you still discuss things so that you are on the same page.

Lastly don't forget the use of 'snail' mail. What feels better than getting a care package or note in the mail from you loved one. Just ask their hotel how you can send it to them.

Amber

PS check out this artical on "What really makes a marriage happy"

Thoughts on Thursday

"Don't give them leftovers"

Your spouse is the one you love, the one you chose to marry and spend your life with. They are the one you can't imagine your life without, and they always get the short end of the stick. We come home from work tired and crabby and since they are our family they can just deal with it....

Huh? Shouldn't this be the person we are trying our hardest for? Why do those we love get our leftovers?

I know this is hard and there are going to be those days, but we should be giving them as much as we can as often as we can. However, remember there is such a thing as giving to much and exhausting yourself, but I would guess that is not a problem for most Americans.

So lets try to be our best at home and not give our family our leftovers.

*I've got 2 weeks grace on this while my hubby is out of town for work, but you get busy :)*

Oh and here is my inspiration for this blog from Living, Learning and Loving Simply.

Thoughts on Thursday

"Things I've learned"

I've been thinking about what I was going to write about today, about what I've said in the past and what I have to offer in the future with these thoughts on Thursdays.





I don't want to give cliche advice I want what I say to relevant not redundant and overly simple.





So today I'm going to share some observations from my marriage over the last few weeks.



I do better when I take time for myself. I like to do projects, crafts, scrapbook and that kind of thing. I've realized recently that I am happier and less irritable when I get something 'worthy' accomplished everyday. In the last few weeks that has included making cards, and tearing apart my bathroom. I've enjoyed my 1 on 1 time more with the hubby when I have the satisfaction of accomplishing something that day.



We have also learned a little more about communication, and we will be forever learning about it, its just one of those things. The recent talk went very well it was tense at first but we both did a good job of explaining ourselves and we seem to be putting it into action. That is the key, when your spouse communicates to you somethings he or she wants or needs we need to put it into action if at all possible. If we don't they have no reason to bring things up in the future. Plus it just leads to frustration and more problems.



There are just a few things I've noticed the past two weeks.



Always learning,

Amber

Thoughts on Thursdays

"Don't take life to seriously"

Take time for fun and relaxation. If your always wound to tight and go, go, go its going to affect your marriage, friendship, kids and work. Try to take time everyday to wind down even if its 5 min before bed.

There you have it short and sweet!

Thoughts on Thursdays

'The 'game' of life."

Recent postings and revelations have lead me to find that one of my love languages is "words of affirmation" and even though I shouldn't need them to feel good about myself they still are a way of showing love. But there is no way my spouse knows that this is something I want unless I tell him.

Just for a funny example, we have been playing a lot of Mario Wii its a team play game and often times right before we die one of us does something dumb to the other one. The next thing one of us says is "why did you do that?" We do best if before we start we tell the other person our plan. Same in life huh? It would just be easier if we would tell each other our game plan. Let each other know what we need to succeed. We can't expect it if they don't know what we need.


I actually have not read the book "5 love languages yet" let me know if you think I should! I do believe in the whole concept though I think people do show and receive love in different ways.

Thoughts on Thursday

"Celebrate your love."

I don't care if you do it on Valentines day, your anniversary, the anniversary of your first date whatever, just celebrate your love. Take some time (even if only an hour) to focus on you as a couple what you've been through, why you feel in love in the first place, and why you love each other now.



Personally, I don't want flowers on Valentines Day it feels to forced, I would take a gift that took some thought but flowers on a day your 'supposed' to get flowers is silly to me. (I realize not everyone may agree with this thought.) I would rather get a nice e-mail, from my husband or some quality face time, talking about us.



What would you like to do to celebrate your love?

Thoughts on Thursday

"Make decisions together."
Marriage is a team effort I don't think anyone would deny that. However many couple have divided up the areas that we are in charge of. She takes care of the house, he takes care of the bills and so on. Personally I want my husband involved, I want him to have an opinion. When I ask him something I want to hear his answer. That doesn't mean I will agree all of the time. But I value his opinion.
Money matters are the #1 reason for conflict in a relationship (marriage or dating.) Make sure that you are on the same page with how much you want to save/spend each month. Is paying of your mortgage or other loans early a priority? What about eating out do you need to limit how often your buying dinner? This is the start of the new year and a great time to get on the same page.
We don't have children but what about making sure you are in like mind about the way you discipline them as well as your expectations of them.
Never forget to say I love you, and mean it!
Amber

Thoughts on Thursdays

"Recognize each others priorities"

Pictures are of great importance to me, the hubby recognizes that and even encourages it! Not only my shutterbug habits but also my scrapbooking. He likes paintball and hockey and since he has a desk job if the opportunity comes up for him to play either (and we have the time) I encourage him to go. Those two things are easy and obvious but what about the less obvious things?

Hubby hates dirty dishes in the sink, I don't like them either but after cooking I'm not really in the mood to do them right away. This drives him crazy. Really what would it hurt for me to spend an extra 5-20 min doing them no instead of later? Then when he gets home he wouldn't have to see that mess first thing as he walks into the house. This would make his nights so much more relaxing.

Hubby knows I cherish time with him especially when I'm sick, yesterday I was SICK. He was so good about sticking with me, checking in on me when I was sleeping. I don't think he has any idea how much that meant to me he just knew it was the right thing to do.

Just making sure that we are aware of each others priorities and then making them a priority ourselves I think we could eliminate a lot of the 'everyday' frustration in marriage.

Thoughts on Thursday

"Speak Clearly"

No one would every call me a quite person I'm a talker there is no doubt about it but do people understand what I'm saying. There seems to be some un-written rule between the hubby and I that we can read each others minds...ummm no. Why is it that we assume that our spouse will automatically understand what we are saying and then get mad/frustrated when they don't.

I don't know when you need me to move left unless you tell me to and you don't know that I'm talking about Iowa not MN unless I clarify that. It seems simple enough, why don't we just communicate more clearly?? Humm that is something I need to work on.

Thoughts on Thursday

"Say Thank You"

Its so easy to take for granted the things your spouse does for you, they are supposed to, right? Ok in theory yes we are supposed to serve each other but that doesn't mean its easy, or that we don't want to be appreciated. Almost every night my husband makes sure I have a lunch ready to go for work the next day (if I forgot) gets the dog food ready for Cooper and makes a smoothie for both of us and puts it in the fridge. These things together easily save me 20-30 min each and every morning. But I can't remember the last time I said thank you. So don't forget to say thank you once in a while.

Thoughts on Thursdays

"New Year, New Marriage"

Its the end of 2009 and I'm excited for 2010! This is a time for new starts and resolutions so how about this one "I resolve to make my marriage better this year." This doesn't mean its bad now but it can always get better right? Here are some ideas:

1. Have a designated time a week of quality time together (my parents have been doing this for the past few years.)

2. Look through your marriage and make a plan to improve one thing (communication anyone?)

3. Study the Bible together.

4. Find a hobby you both like to do.

5. Go out on a 'real' date more often.

6. De clutter your lives from the need of stuff.

Anyone else have an idea or two?

Thoughts on Thursdays

Humm so I was reading my book again ("The Search for Significance" by Robert S. McGee) and once sentence really hit me not just for spiritual reasons but for relationship reasons. Here it is " Conviction deals with your behavior, not our status before God."( pg133 in the new version)

This is also, I believe, how we should view our marriages. We need to understand that when our spouse is correcting or asking us to change something it doesn't affect their love for us its simply a behavior that needs adjustment. I have a bad habit of forgetting where I placed my phone and it drives my husband nuts however I know that when he points it out to me he doesn't love me any less he just doesn't want to spend money on a new phone.

However I have a harder time accepting that reality when he is pointing out my tone or something like that. Then it is much harder to remember the 'love' part and go straight to feeling guilty. This changes how I think he views my 'status' when in fact it does not. He still loves me just the same but he is trying to improve our communication.



Guilt refers to our status and how we think others feel about us.

Conviction is without guilt it doesn't change our status there is just room for improvement.


Wow, that could change marriages right there. If we could train ourselves to view things this way....If we could simply remember throughout the corrections and annoyances that you still love each other and your are only trying to better the marriage not tear each other apart or blame them for everything. We also make sure we are approaching things this way, building the marriage not tearing it down.