Ok so lets start right out by saying I'm not perfect, I know this to be true. However that does not stop me from trying to be. The question is asked, why? Why do I feel the need to be perfect? I don't have a good answer honestly its self imposed. I know my parents never expected it they just wanted me to try my best. Ryan is well aware that I'm not perfect and has also never expected it from me. Its purely something that I've decided to strive for, not a wise decision, and something I'm working on.
So here is what I read today in my Beth Moore study on Esther that got me thinking:
" God has opened my eyes to the stronghold of perfectionism through loved ones who share their struggle. It's not only painful. It can be debilitating . After all, what would have happened if Esther had waited to go to the king until her hands stopped shaking and her heart stopped pounding?"
What fun things in life have I missed out on because of my strive for perfection? I know very well that the other day I was frustrating Ryan when he was trying to teach me how to stop on hockey skates. I didn't want him to watch until I had it figured out and he wanted to watch so he could help me. What other things in life have I overcomplicated?
I think a lot of the pressure I place on myself was when Mark was sick, I wanted to be the 'perfect wife' always strong and always caring for him. It just became a habit so this next paragraph from the study was very encouraging:
"Sometimes just surviving certain tasks with out falling apart IS out best and in those times God is not ashamed of our performance. He's proud of us for fighting overwhelming human emotions to do His will. God isn't interested in our stellar performance but in our hearts. He loves our willingness and obedience despite our insecurities."
Yea! So here is my question, how do I get beyond this?
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